the time has come for a new lola.
a real lola. an honest lola.
I think identity is something we all struggle with at some point of our lives. I have been on the journey of finding out who I am since I can remember. Funny enough, one of the first songs I ever wrote when I was 12 was called “I Wish I Knew Me.” I had a desire to fit in, but also to stand out. I was searching for a box to put myself into, but at the same time wanting to break all the boxes.
This led me to being a chameleon throughout my life, wearing many different hats.. literally and figuratively. ;)
I went through the ‘good little Catholic girl’ phase and drastically switched into the ‘emo goth rocker chick’ as a teenager. In high school, I became the ‘tree hugging hippie' - I led the environmental club, went vegetarian, stopped washing my hair, the whole works.
As I went through college, I turned into the ‘perfectly happy Midwestern girl’ - safe, stable, put-together. Then in an attempt to become a super pop star, Lola the ‘retro diva disco queen’ emerged.
I tried so hard to figure out where I fit in. Being in the music industry made it more challenging- you need a genre, an image, a brand, a logo, etc. I would get so overwhelmed with trying to get my box ‘right’. I didn’t know how to ‘just be me.’ The chaos in my confused mind was primarily driven by:
doing what I think I should
trying to be someone everyone would like
acting small and staying safe in order to not offend anyone
following the trends
being flashy/unique to get attention
The biggest struggle for me was the desire to be liked by everyone. I needed validation. I thought that people would love me more if I just presented myself the right way.
Have you ever made choices based on what you think others will approve of?
Living life based on these motivators can been frustrating, disappointing and unsatisfying. I would constantly get stuck in a space of ‘what people might say.’
Now I’ve learned that you cannot predict what other people will think of you. So why spend hours worrying about something you can’t control or even know? And why does their opinion even matter so much? They are not living your life. They don’t wear your clothes everyday. They don’t have to sing your songs every night at your shows.
We are not designed to please everyone.
Not everyone loves strawberry ice cream. Some people hate it. Does that make strawberry ice cream bad? No. It just is what it is. It functions fully as strawberry ice cream and doesn’t take it personally if someone doesn’t choose it. It doesn’t try to turn itself into mint chocolate chip to get more likes. It keeps shining on as beautiful strawberry.
turn down for what?
I am now trying to live like the strawberry ice cream. Just being who I am. Finding what feels truly authentic to my soul. I am done feeling like I’m five separate people based on where I am and who I am with. If someone at my jazz gig has a problem with me mentioning God, that’s too bad. Why turn down my Truth out of fear that I won’t be accepted for it?
nothing stays the same, but some things never change
Though I have worn many different masks over the years, something has remained the same through it all. Something beyond the outfits, the makeup, the interests, the age, the location, the style.
Something I have been trying to reach. Trying to know. To define. To figure out.
On my silent retreat, I got the closest I’ve ever been to understanding that something. And I realized it’s not meant to be understood or labeled. The beauty of this true essence is beyond words. Beyond our rational minds.
What I can tell you is that it is all of these identities and yet none of them.
Beneath the external presentation is an internal eternal presence.
It contains the bold lioness and the gentle lamb. The artist, the teacher, the rock star, the church singer. The glamorous diva and the down-to-earth girl.
And of these one and all I weave the song of myself…
I am large, I contain multitudes.
-Walt Whitman (Songs of Myself)
Our mind wants so badly to just pick ONE thing so it can latch on to that singular identity. But in reality, we are incredibly multi-faceted beings. We have many parts. Many expressions of the same radiance. So we don’t need to attach to any of these identities. We don’t need to label ourselves. We are infinite. We are human and we are divine.
Trying to label and box ourselves up keeps us stuck and limited.
My new mission is to do my best to align with my expansive true nature.
rebirth = rebrand
In practical human terms, I am rebranding as Lola Kristine.
Name change - ‘Lola’ was impossible to find amidst all the other Lola’s in music world, so I have added on my middle name ‘Kristine’! Thanks Mom and Dad for a beautiful name! This name change is in process on all digital music sources and hopefully data will transfer soon. Lots of hoops to jump through. Not fun. But I’ll be easier to find!
New Image - the real me! I still like to wear cute clothes and all that jazz, but I’m done with super diva Lola. This look is more natural, neutral, earthy. Minimal. (I am on the hunt for some white/nude jumpsuits- let me know if you see any)
New Sound -it is no longer about making a catchy pop hit. it’s about making music I truly want to create. the songs on my upcoming album are real and raw.
This blog will be a big part of my upcoming album release. Make sure you are subscribed to stay up to date with details!
I will be sharing the stories, inspirations and process behind each song and music video.
I also just released my live cover version of ‘Hallelujah’: CHECK IT OUT HERE!
Thank you being on this journey with me. I hope my words and songs can be helpful to you on your journey.
Shine on, friends!