be here with me now
I finally did it. I sat down and said, “I’m going to write this TODAY.”
Last year, I made a plan to release a blog post accompanying every new single from my current album project. I did well with the first two. They were right on schedule.
Writing this post has been on my to-do list since November.
Oh, the excuses. Touring, recording, performing, composing, life, holidays, moving, etc. Every day I planned on writing this post, but something else became more important. I got distracted by social media. I decided to start a new workout routine. I booked more shows.
I wanted to do anything except write this post.
Why? Why the resistance?
I started exploring the real reasons… “Well, no one really cares,” “I’m not a writer,” “You’re wasting your time,” “I’m not wise enough to speak on these subjects,” etc.
At the core of my excuses I found the constant nagging feeling that I am not enough.
I’m not creative enough. I don’t know enough. Have enough time. Have enough fans.
So I would go DO MORE things to make me feel like maybe then I’d have enough.
As you can guess, I was not finding satisfaction. Doing more was pulling me further from inner peace.
presence
Over the past few months, I have not just been running away from writing this blog, but running away from true presence.
My repetitive thought pattern of “not enough”-ness was keeping me in a rat race. A never-ending cycle of reaching and striving. Why was I addicted to this state of chaos?
We all have a story about ourselves in our mind. We have a level of perfection we expect from ourselves with our work, finances, appearance, social status, etc. We want to measure up to our standards. We are so attached to an idealized future version of ourselves that we reject the person we actually are right now.
But that ‘perfect’ version of us only exists as a concept we created in our mind. The only person that exists is who you are right in this moment.
You are enough right now because that is what you are. Right now.
There is incredible freedom in complete self-acceptance. We suddenly have space in ourselves to love others fully, listen, and embrace the world around us. We accept that life is what it is.
Once I accepted and loved myself as I am, I was able to feel the passion again for writing, sharing, and being present.
be here with me now
When I wrote “Be Here With Me Now,” I was in the thick of the fights at the end of my marriage. We were digging up past hurts, pointing fingers, holding onto words said or arguing about what might happen next. Being so attached to the past or future, we couldn't be present with each other. There was no room for love because our hearts were filled with bitterness from unmet expectations.
Humans make mistakes. We fall down. We get up. We live and we learn. My previous partner and I both had idealized versions of each other and the relationship. We couldn’t accept each other or ourselves as we actually were in the moment. Healthy relationships require true presence.
“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”
― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
III: Be Here With Me Now
released December 25, 2019
Listen on
Lyrics
It’s a sad, sad song that we’ve been singing
Hanging on to the hurtful things that we have said
Can we move on, start a new beginning
Leave the past behind and focus on what lies ahead
When we keep reliving our mistakes
We’re wasting every hour of our day
So won’t you be here with me now
There’s no need to fight or tear each other down
Look in my eyes, see what we found
Why won’t you be here with me now
What’s the use in all of this old worry
Don’t you know I am standing right in front of you
If you want me, babe you better hurry
Cause all we’ve got is this very moment passing through
When we keep reliving our mistakes
We’re wasting every hour of our day
So won’t you be here with me now
There’s no need to fight or tear each other down
Look in my eyes, see what we found
Why won’t you be here with me now
Let yourself surrender
Do you feel the energy?
Let me pull you closer
Release everything
and be here with me now.
Be here with me now.
children are our greatest teachers
When we were children, it was easy to present. We didn't have emotional baggage or negative stories built up about people and the world. Watch how quickly a child can move on after another child takes his toy away. Yes, he might cry for a bit. But he’ll find another toy and start playing again. He won’t plan for revenge against the other child, hold a grudge, gossip about the other child for months after or block him on social media. He’ll probably go play with the other child the next day.
Children enjoy life fully. They love openly. They are receptive to new information, new games, new friends. Everything is new in their eyes. They are not attached to ideas or concepts about life and love. They simply live and love in the moment.
When contemplating a music video for “Be Here With Me Now,” I wanted to find a way to express this truth. So I gathered up old videos (Thanks, Mom!) of me dancing and smiling as a little girl.
Deep inside, your inner child is waiting for you.
You can feel him or her whenever you allow yourself to play.
Dance like no one’s watching. Sing your heart out. Paint, make a mud pie, run through a field of flowers.
Your inner child will remind you what truly matters in life.
A Practice for Presence
(to be done always)
Take a deep breath and hold for a few seconds at the top. Let it all go.
Do it again and feel your body relax. See if you can even feel your heart beat pulsing through your veins.
Listen to the sounds around you. Let them pass through your ears without making up a story about them.
Look around at the colors and sights around you. Can you see them without naming or judging them as bad, good, pretty, ugly, etc?
Feel the support beneath you: the chair, the ground, the soil. Know that life is holding you.
Let your thoughts float by in your mind like clouds in the sky.
Get ready for life to open up.
now is the time.